Reflecting on the year that was
As we wind down towards the end of the year, I wanted to take this moment to share with you how very grateful I am to have you in my community.
Whether you've recently joined me or you've been following my work for awhile, I wanted to take this moment to express how deeply I appreciate you creating space for me in your life.
Reflecting on the last year or so of business, I can tell you it's been a rollercoaster!
There have been moments where I came close to throwing in the towel. Moments where I sat at my computer with tears of frustration and anxiety knotting my chest.
I've had moments of deep self-doubt, that what I do is even creating an impact in the world. It never feels like enough. And the online space can sometimes feel like a void.
I've also had some of the most heart warming moments as some of you have shared how my work has impacted you, or helped you through your struggles.
There have been moments of deep connection, new relationships where clients have become friends and wonder as I've seen the women I've worked with grow and find clarity in their life.
Those a-ha moments are worth everything.
Here are some of my reflections on 2022:
Looking back at 2022 and the word that chose me this year, I can see how the energy of 'Romance' has played out in my life.
Not in the way I expected (Steve Rogers - a.k.a. Captain America - did not sweep me off my feet), but in a deeper way that has shifted and created more space within me to connect with the things that matter.
If you saw my post on Instagram, on NYE 2021 the word that came to me was 'Romance'.
I wrote:
"After my experience, did I really want to choose another word and invite the unpredictable magic that word would hold? Did I really want to risk the chaos it might invoke?
But like “Surrender” in 2018, when the time is right, the word will come and quietly demand to be claimed. So, my word for this year is 'Romance'."
Romance...I have to admit when the word first came I cringed. I thought of cheey poems, and heart shaped candy.
Reflecting over the last year I can see how 'Romance' has played out in ways both expected and unexpected.
From the moment I allowed the word to claim me, life, in it's own magical ways, demanded that I soften. In September 2021 we lost my grandpa...and just 5 months later, my nana was put into palliative care and passed away.
I was in the middle of a live 21 Day Challenge in my business. I had to show up and hold the deep grief and regret that comes when faced with this type of loss. Her passing left a void as our family lost our matriarch. An entire generation of elders have now moved on.
It was an honour and a deep privilege to stand vigil over the last moments, to gather as a family around her, and tell her all the things I wish we had said more while she was alive.
The romance was in the way we held, sang, spoke and caressed her into the light in her final moments. The romance was in the way we held space for her transition, softened and opened to the pain without being so consumed by it that we couldn't hold space for her transition.
Death has a funny way of putting life in perspective. How often do we hold back, hold grudges, harbour resentment and forget to appreciate the people in our lives until it's too late?
As someone who holds deep trauma around connection, this year has seen me explore the edges of my armour, my mistrust, the walls I've put up to protect myself and that have kept me a prisonner in my own heart.
Looking back over the year, I am in awe of all the ways in which I have softened and opened my heart. The ways in which I have re-engaged with that romantic part of myself that I normally keep hidden away, the part that loves Keats, and the part that would move half way around the world because I loved the energy and magic of a city.
This year, 2022, has been one of deep integration, of finding softeness in the mess, of finding ease in the struggle. Of allowing myself to see the beauty in the darkness, and embrace the shadows and unclaimed, rejected parts of my own psyche.
I've moved through challenges with grace, with ease, with curiosity. I've faced challenges with openness instead of closing down. The depth of 'romance' has been present in how I've met myself, without judgement or unrealistic expectations, with curiosity and openness, with compassion and kindness.
I've faced so many challenges this year without collapsing in on myself, and I feel such gratitude for the way I've met myself in each of these moments.
As we wind into the festive season, I recognise the bittersweetness of this period. If you are struggling with your own grief, loss and heartache, know that I am here and I witness you in this.
As magical as the Festive Season can be, it's also a time of reflection, a time of grief mixed in with the joy and magic of the season. Make space to feel all that you might be feeling and know that it's okay.
It's okay to hold sorrow and love and joy and grief in our hearts at this time of the year. The human condition is one in which all of these co-exist, and the magic is in learning to allow each to be witnessed, loved and move through you in turn.
Wishing you a peaceful Holiday Season, one that feels aligned and one in which you feel calm and regulated, no matter what it brings.
With deepest gratitude from my heart to yours,
Amanda xx
P.S. If you'd like some further guidance on how to wrap up 2022 with intention and call in your 2023 goals, I've just published an article on Elephant Journal.
You'll be guided through a ritual to close out 2022 and tap into the energy of 2023. I'd so appreciate if you could like, comment and share it if it moves you. The more engagement the article gets the more people can find the work, and hopefully this means I get to help more people too!
Want a ritual to help you call in your best 2023?
Check out my latest article published on Elephant Journal. This article will guide you through a 3 step ritual to wrap up 2022 with intention and call in your best 2023.
