Wherever you go, there you are…
Are you constantly searching for yourself, restlessly pursuing happiness by changing jobs, schools, relationships…maybe even throwing it all in and taking a sabbatical overseas?
That was definitely my pattern. I even up and moved to Edinburgh on a whim, certain that it was the answer to my problems. I knew in my core that once I got there I’d be different. Better somehow. “Fixed.”
And whilst the move did shift a lot of things, it wasn’t in the ways I expected. If anything it was merely the catalyst that brought up the unpalatable fact that while a change of scenery can offer fresh perspectives, it's not always the magic bullet we hope for. Because, as the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are.
In the wise words of Taylor Swift, “Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me”.
If you’re like me, and you find yourself constantly on the move trying to ‘figure out’ why things aren’t working out the way you want them to, jumping from one project to the next, one relationship to the next, maybe even one business model to the next - then the truth is, you’re most likely stuck in flight mode.
The running energy is what comes up when you don’t feel safe enough to just stand still and look at the problem. Whilst the Eat, Pray, Love experience can look like a glamorous way to self-discover, the truth is it rarely sticks for longer than it takes for you to get over your jet-lag.
My own experience is a testament to this. Moving to Edinburgh was exhilarating, a chance to reinvent myself. But after the initial excitement wore off, old patterns of avoidance and disconnection resurfaced. Isolation, loneliness – these feelings, whether entirely true or not, became my reality. No matter where I went, there I was, repeating the same tired story.
Running from discomfort won't solve the problem. Because until you address the underlying issues within, they'll follow you wherever you go.
It wasn’t until my tumultuous journey back to Perth brought me crashing to a standstill during the pandemic (when I had no choice but to stand still) that I was forced to turn my focus on my my inner world.
Once I learned to regulate my nervous system and listen to my emotions, the external world began to shift in response. It wasn't the location that needed fixing; it was my internal compass.
If you’re tired of the pursuit of happiness, the constantly hamster wheel of trying to fix yourself, the trick is to stand still. And stillness, for someone whose nervous system is in flight mode doesn’t feel safe.
So here’s a few things you can do to bring safety in, whenever you’re contemplating making a big change or running away from a problem because something isn’t working.
(I should also say, sometimes the solution IS to step away from the problem but this needs to be a decision made from a place of safety - not fear).
Bring it back to the body
Use the energy
Do this standing up, as the flight response tends to flood your body with adrenalin and cortisol. If you try to ‘sit and meditate’ you’ll only end up feeling like your skin is crawling with ants. Trust me!
Stamp your foot, with intention. Feel the energy of your foot landing. Do the same with the other foot. The purpose here is to intentionally FEEL the energy of ‘run’ that’s flowing through, and allow you to mindfully process it.
Start stamping your feet quickly, as if you’re running on the spot. Do this mindfully, feeling the energy move through you as you allow your body to move the energy out.
plant your feet
When the cycle feels complete, I want you to plant your feet firmly on the floor. The feeling of completing the cycle can be a sense of calmness, exhaustion and the feeling of not feeling like you need to run.
Bring your attention to the points where your foot is connected to floor. You can gently flex the muscles, shift the weight in your feet, press down and release. You can roll back and forth on the balls of your feet, gently, slowing the movement down until it’s almost imperceptible,
bring it back to the breath
Now I want you to turn your attention to your breath. Put your arms around your shoulders (as if you were giving yourself a hug) and take a breath in for the count of three. Hold your breath for a count of two. Then release your breath for a count of five.
The breath is 3-2-5. Repeat this whilst applying a gentle and consistent pressure across your chest through a self-hug, whilst allowing your body to sway gently in which ever way it feels called to.
Bring up the question
Once you feel calm, then it’s time to look at the situation with more clarity and ask yourself the tough questions.
What precisely is it that I’m wanting to escape from?
Is it a job? What are the particulars that you dislike? What exactly are the elements that aren’t working for you? Is there a boundary that feels like it’s been crossed? Do you feel undervalued? Get specific about what it is about the situation that is making you unhappy. “It’s a crappy job” is not an answer.
How am I contributing to this negativity?
It’s not an easy question to sit and face, but it’s an important one. Sometimes, it’s important to look at the whole situation and your role it in. Are you in a relationship, and in a pattern of constantly focusing on the negatives of what your partner isn’t doing? Have you fallen into a pattern of saying ‘it’s fine’, rather than having the hard and uncomfortable conversation about what your needs actually are? Do you even know what your needs are? It takes two to tango.
What do you like about the situation?
There’s always two sides to a coin, and sometimes there are things about the situation that actually feels good. Whether that’s a job that pays a steady wage and has flexible work hours, even if the work itself is mind-numbingly boring or a relationship that feels safe because it’s familiar. Get to the core of what things about the situation are actually meeting your needs.
Now do an honest assessment. Is there anything that you can try in your current situation to improve your wellbeing? Weight up the values and benefits and how they feel. Do you feel expansive when you think of leaving, or does it feel more life relief that you don’t have to take uncomfortable actions and face conflict?
Share your thoughts below! Wanting some more support to work through a situation that’s got you in flight mode? Reach out via DMs and let’s have a chat.
Wanting to go even deeper? The Beltane Retreat in Scotland goes beyond the typical escape. Here, you'll delve deeper, learning practices to regulate your nervous system and understand the messages your body is sending.
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Beltane Retreat 2025
Join me at the upcoming Beltane Retreat. Imagine yourself surrounded by a supportive sisterhood, learning ancient rituals for manifestation, and designing a life that feels luxurious and deeply fulfilling.
